Dirty Drawls

I have been hesitant to blog about Steve McNair for a myriad of reasons, mostly because it's such a touchy topic. I mean there have been so many accusations and theories thrown out there that it could be relatively easy lose the truth. 

The truth is, Steve McNair got caught with Dirty Drawls. 

It's that age old lesson our mother's taught us. "Put on some clean underwear in case you get into an accident."

Now if you were life me in your youth you may have pondered exactly what does that mean? and if I'm in an accident how or why would it matter if my underwear was clean? Well in this instance I'm talking about proverbial underwear and cleanliness.  I'm not here to pass judgement on McNair or the young Persian woman he was found slain with. This isn't about whether or not married men should be purchasing property and cars for young women who wait tables and wear cheap polyester dresses to night clubs and may or may not share shoes with their friends. This isn't about whether or not Steve should have been with his family on the Fourth of July or the string of unfortunate incidents that lead to his death...being pulled over three times with the young lady in the car, sharing a bachelor pad, flaunting around town with this woman.

This isn't about whether or not he was or was not seen in various night clubs with various women while he played for Baltimore, or whether or not he was even seen as a nice person by those who may or may not have seen him in those bars.

This is about something as simple as clean drawls...and being caught with your pants down, which is sadly what happened to Steve McNair. He had that unfated accident our mother's wanted us to be prepared for. He met that woman his mother probably warned him of but didn't prepare him for and as a result, he is with us no longer. 

His philanthropic efforts as well as charitable work in the community has been sullied by the images of him next to a young Persian woman often if not always referred to as his girlfriend, although he was married. His outstanding career as a Quarterback has taken back seat to a melange of relationship pundits who seem to have all the answers as to why he was wrong.

Whatever he may have been or done as a father, has been permanently damaged on the here say of his lovers sister, that he was meant to leave his family and start a new. 

I know that in life we are bigger than our biggest flaws and all of us are flawed, when it comes to love, sex and money some are more flawed than others. However, I have chosen to let Steve McNair serve as a reminder to me make sure I'm wearing clean drawls....Make sure that I'm keeping company with men who won't sully or tarnish my reputation. Make sure that I think before I act, seeing as I have no idea when I'll take my last breath, and practicing a discerning eye when it comes to knowing that all that glitters is not gold. 

I don't know who to blame in this case. Some say blame the wife for staying with him...I can't do that. Some say blame him for being a cheater. It's not that easy. Blame the young waitress from Dave & Busters, but she was the youngest of them all. It's for me to place blame on any of them but perhaps their lives and relationships now on display will serve as a lesson so that less of us will walk in their footsteps again. 

Strange Encounters of the Close Kind

So I was only meant to be in and out...of Nordstrom Rack that is. I was looking for two very particular things...well maybe three. Okay I felt like going shopping and although I didn't really have allot of time to do so, I had a feeling that The Rack had what I needed. Okay we maybe we aren't exactly talking about needs, as I have no less than two bags of clothing that I need to give away and more shoe boxes than space in my closet. Be that as it may, I'm going shopping dammit. I need some retail therapy and some high end weekend wear.

So I'm there, head straight to the designer shoe section. I find the kicks I'm looking for, remember this was no ordinary trip to the mall. I was pulled by a vision of superfly kicks and velour..in no particular order.

So I tried on about 12 pairs of shoes and ultimately decided to get the ones I'd come for and debate yet another pair of flat sandals while I shopped some more.

I headed over to the baby section to get "New Baby" my new niece or nephew a little something out of the baby department. Gotta love those darn baby clothes. So me, my shoes, and my baby clothing finally make it over to the section I'd meant to hit up on the way there, and I notice this guy make a bee run for me from way across the room, and then try to act casual while looking through the racks. I paid him no never mind, I was on a mission and didn't have a lot of time, plus I knew exactly what I was looking for. I wasn't going to immediately call the guy a creep but in this town you never really know what you're dealing with...

So I find something I like...hold it up, nod and give myself approval to purchase it and here he goes "So what size is that? You like you're about the same size as my girl...Do you think you're gonna buy it? If you don't buy it I might buy it for my girl."

Well that was an unsolicited mouthful. You're NOT flirting because you're clearly committed but you're still playing me close...

So I smile and tell him that I'm probably going to be purchasing the items that I like, with a slightly shit eating grin because why the hell else would I be combing the racks like my life depended on it? Then he's making me uncomfortable because if we're shopping for the same size he's now gone from being a creep to creepy competition.

I continue shopping, trying my dammest to find holy girl of a matching tops and bottoms on the picked over sale rack..

He's back in my face, with his phone cocked and a picture of his "Girl" She's a busty black woman...now I get it. I'm his "type". She's lovely I tell him, wondering if I should maybe point him to the bra section cuz she looks like she could use one..baby girl looks like she could mop the floor with those bad boys. So I'm trying not to be as annoyed as I really am, because true love always makes me smile, but he's still playing me close and I'm not really one for company when I shop. Shopping is serious business and just like you don't bring friends to work with you, I'd never ask anyone to shop with me.

I move on to another rack. I've found something perfect to match my shoes, things are coming together for me in a good way...Or so I thought.

He follows me over to the next rack, still wondering whether or not I'm buying the stuff that I'm carrying.

I'm officially annoyed.

I'm heading to the dressing room, looking over my damn shoulder for creepy creep..

I come out of the dressing room to look at myself in the three way mirror, guess who's lurking in the shadow?

THE CREEP!!

Talking about come here let me see how it looks on you.

I did the opposite and ran back to the dressing room.

I came out and he was still there, asking me where I got my dress that I was wearing and wondering AGAIN if I was going to purchase the item I was NOW walking to the check out line with. I reiterated that I was indeed purchasing all the cute shit I found and with a far away look in his eye he looked at me and said...

I love you.

WTF?

My Immortal Moment with the King of Pop

Must watch until the end....

RIP King of Pop~Michael Jackson

Never Can Say Good Bye.....

Sprung.....

It's not anyone in particular, as a matter of fact I've barely had time for dates lately. To be more exact I've been so busy I don't even think that I realized I haven't had time for dating. I've be so far away from dating that I haven't even purchased any date clothes lately....but still I'm sprung. 

Spring has sprung inside of me, although technically the solstice was Sunday and it's now officially summer. 

I remember the exact moment that I saw the first blush of spring. I was in Seattle, walking around the neighborhood and I saw cherry blossoms on a side street. I stopped and took pictures of the trees and had a silent commune with them, and internal recognition that spring had indeed sprung.

It was a long winter for me. A real winter, a winter in which my cashmere was in and out of the cleaners. A winter in which I spent much time traveling the East Coast and Mid West in temperatures that were less than pleasing. It was an emotional winter. Thing kinda froze up on me, and only heated up that one night, on accident and by complete surprise. It was a winter of dry skin and cracked ideas, of a seemingly hard earth, which I traveled by plane and saw as a frozen tundra of life and instead of fighting and complaining...I recognized. As winter.

Somewhere somehow I thawed. I found some heat, and my center. I blossomed, and bloomed. It's been almost 6 months since I quit smoking. I drink less. My nights are no longer a race to pour a cocktail even after the rough work days. I'm a little bit clearer, in my head, in my thoughts, in my actions. I cleaned house, emotionally. I let go of some men, some ideas of men, some emotional baggage and some bullshit. Not always in that exact order. 

I prayed, and prayed and prayed...I gave thanks and watched things grow and change and morph and yes finally I realized I was sprung. Back in love with life again and seeing its possibilities. I found myself putting perfume behind my ears again, resuming my morning runs, dropping the weight, the bad habits the bad boys all simultaneously which is not to say that it wasn't work, but isn't growth always work. Haver you ever seen a blade of grass fight its way through a cold hardened earth at the first on set of spring. The grass grows because that's what it's created to to...as am I. 

I am day dreaming again...Thinking about kisses and accents and smells and the things that spring eternal. I am awakened again to the possibility of love and I'm smitten. With myself. My hair is wild and natural like it hasn't been in ages. My eyebrows are not perfectly arched and I need a pedicure, but I feel as alive as a verdant blade of grass who has finally pushed through to signal the oncoming of spring. 

I am NOT sprung. I HAVE sprung, and I like it....